Lesson 9: Shape#

核心原則#

能寫出清晰簡潔的短句固然好，但有些複雜的想法無法用短句表達。你需要知道如何寫出既長又清楚的句子——關鍵在於句子的形態（shape）。

為什麼長句讓人困惑#

讀者覺得句子「太長」通常不是因為字數多，而是因為以下四個原因：

先說重點 (Starting with Your Point)#

比較這兩個句子：

重點延後：High-deductible health plans and Health Saving Accounts into which workers and their employers make tax-deductible deposits result in workers taking more responsibility for their health care.

✓ 重點先行：Workers take more responsibility for their health care when they adopt high-deductible insurance plans and Health Saving Accounts into which they and their employers deposit tax-deductible contributions.

第二句用八個字的主要子句（Workers take more responsibility for their health care）開頭就說完了重點，接下來的細節讀者可以在已知重點的框架下輕鬆消化。

這個「先說重點」的原則不只適用於句子。段落以主旨句開頭、章節以摘要開頭、整篇文件以引言和結論開頭——都是同一個原則的不同尺度。

修改長開頭 (Revising Long Openings)#

經驗法則 1：快速到達主詞#

如果讀者需要讀超過七、八個字才看到主要子句的主詞，考慮把引導子句移到句尾：

Since most undergraduate students change their major fields of study at least once during their college careers, first-year students should not load up their schedules with requirements for a particular program.

✓ First-year students should not load up their schedules with requirements for a particular program, because most change their major at least once.

但以 if, since, when, although 開頭的子句通常指向已知資訊，適合放在句首——只要保持簡短。

經驗法則 2：快速到達動詞和受詞#

即使主詞很短，如果主詞和動詞之間插入了太多東西，讀者也會困惑：

• 避免過長的抽象主詞：超過七八個字的主詞考慮拆開
• 避免打斷主詞-動詞連接：把插入的 because 子句移到句首或句尾
• 避免打斷動詞-受詞連接：把條件子句移開

Some scientists, because they write in a style that is impersonal and abstract, do not easily communicate with laypeople.

✓ Since some scientists write in a style that is impersonal and abstract, they do not easily communicate with laypeople.

修改拖沓的結尾 (Revising Sprawling Endings)#

句子如果在主要子句之後拖著一串 which…which…that… 的附加子句，會讓讀者喘不過氣。四種修改方法：

1. 剪除 (Cut)#

刪掉 who/that/which + is/was，把子句變成片語：

…genetic engineering, which is a new way of manipulating…

✓ …genetic engineering, a new way of manipulating…

2. 把附屬子句變成獨立句子#

✓ Many areas of science are important. But few are more promising than genetic engineering. It is a new way of manipulating…

3. 使用修飾語延伸句子#

三種修飾語可以優雅地延伸句子，取代生硬的 which 子句：

• 回指修飾語（Resumptive modifier）：重複前文的關鍵詞，然後繼續展開

  …this sentence, a sentence that could have ended at the comma but extended to show you how resumptive modifiers work.

• 總結修飾語（Summative modifier）：用一個名詞總結前面的整個子句

  Economic changes have reduced population growth to less than zero, a demographic event that will have serious implications.

• 自由修飾語（Free modifier）：用分詞片語對主詞補充說明

  Leonardo da Vinci was a man of powerful intellect, driven by an insatiable curiosity and haunted by a vision of artistic perfection.

4. 對等連接 (Coordinate)#

把附加子句改成對等的並列結構——這比修飾語更難做好，但做好了更優雅。

先短後長原則 (Short before Long)#

句子中的並列元素應該從短到長排列。

這個原則呼應了前幾課的「先簡後繁」和「先舊後新」原則：

• 短主詞引導長句（主詞在七字以內）
• 先說簡單的概念，再說複雜的
• 對等連接中，短的元素在前，長的在後

常見的長句問題#

文法平行性錯誤 (Faulty Grammatical Coordination)#

對等連接的元素應該是相同的文法結構：

The committee recommends revising the curriculum and that the division be reorganized.

✓ The committee recommends that the curriculum be revised and that the division be reorganized.

修辭平行性錯誤 (Faulty Rhetorical Coordination)#

對等的元素不只文法上要平行，思想上也要平行。不要只因為方便就用 and 串聯不相關的概念。

模糊的修飾語和懸垂修飾語#

• 模糊修飾語：讀者不確定修飾語修飾的是哪個詞
• 懸垂修飾語：修飾語的隱含主詞和句子的明確主詞不一致

Running through the airport to avoid missing the flight, the phone fell out of her pocket.

✓ As she was running through the airport, the phone fell out of her pocket.